Due to legal, ethical, financial, spiritual, and architectural difficulties, the Editor has recently announced that the name of this newsletter will be permanently changed to The Journal of Veterinary Medicine. Formerly known as The Servant, The Herald, The Star, The Missionary Newsletter, Do Not Remove This Label, The Deseret News, Close Cover Before Striking, and The Texas Blabber, the paper will continue to be known for excellence in journalism, a flair for accuracy, and a blatant disregard for the truth. With the new name will come opportunities to explore several areas of interest not formerly considered. This will always be a missionary newsletter and will continue to pursue those areas of journalism of interest to missionaries. If any of our faithful readers submit heartwarming stories of missionary activity involving either small or large animal diseases, those stories will be given highest priority.

In a surprise announcement, the First Presidency has declared that the Missionary Training Center will be moved from its present location in Provo, Utah to a new campus in Branson, Missouri - The "Country Music Capital of America." Citing the importance of Branson as a major cultural center, the church has determined that newly called missionaries will be better prepared if they go into the field with a knowledge of line dancing, country music lyric composition, and (for the sisters) industrial strength application of make-up.

Was the original site of the City of Jerusalem in the hills of Judea, as formerly thought, or was it in the hill country west of Austin, Texas? New scholarship raises interesting thoughts on this important question. The Editor of this paper (a man not to be taken lightly) has personally walked the hill country of Texas and examined the evidence that the founder of Jerusalem, none other than Melchezidek himself, may have lived there. "The evidence is overwhelming," said the Editor. "This stuff is bound to shake the foundations of Judeo-Christian thought. Wow! Hey, I didn't know they rode bicycles back then." These were all direct quotes of the Editor in a recent symposium on this very important topic. The First Presidency has been asked for a statement on this issue but has refused to comment.

A rare case of "adoptive twins" being called to serve together in different missions has been announced. Adoptive twins are two people of different natural parents who were given up for adoption to the same family who are later discovered to be identical with each other in every way possible. Only three other pairs of adoptive twins are known to have occurred in history.  They were:

1. Shadrach and Meshach: together with their hockey coach, Abednego, they were thrown into a fiery furnace by King Nebuchadnezzar for refusing to worship the gods of the Babylonians. Shadrach and Meshach had only met 14 years earlier when they were adopted by Timnath the tailor. It was said that the looked so much alike that Timnath's wife, Anota, was always in a state of constant flummox.
2. Bartles & Jaymes: these two giants of the brewing industry were born at opposite ends of the country and adopted by a family in New Hampshire. On discovering their remarkable similarity, they began playing mean tricks on their new mother, a high strung woman named Blanch. Bartles and Jaymes loved to make life sized photographic cardboard cutouts of themselves and float them facedown at the bottom of the family swimming pool.
3. Elder Thomas S. Monson and Elder Yoshihiko Kikuchi: these two General Authorities represent the strangest set of adoptive twins yet. There were born into families of different races, in different countries, and several years apart. They were adopted by a loving Latter-Day Saint family in Blanding, Utah who thought they had signed up to take an infant American Indian girl. When the two boys arrived they looked so much alike that the mother decided she might take up drinking. The editor of the local Blanding newspaper (a sleazy rag that doesn't even come close to the high standards of journalistic excellence set by this fine paper) was quoted as saying: "Look at them little buggers, Ya can't tell 'em apart."

The following recipe was contributed by the Relief Society Sisters of the Continent of Africa (all of them). It is a favorite when serving large numbers of people.