This is the first issue of a newsletter with a circulation of just 12 people (plus families and other hangers-on). They are the young men and women from the Plano 8th Ward who are serving on missions throughout the world. Before getting into the nitty gritty of the news, let's address some business items first. Since most of you change addresses more often than I change shirts, I plan to send this to your mission home address unless you can make a compelling case as to why I should send it directly to you. I will endeavor to reprint (with major editing) items of interest you send in to me. Tell me anything you want, but remember that I am neither your bishop nor your mother and I have a terrible time keeping confidences. Anything juicy you relate to me will be blown way out of proportion and blabbed to the world.
Two missionaries from the 8th Ward (Marc Johnson and Richard Phillips) are currently serving in Ecuador. For those of you who may not know, Ecuador is a South American country situated atop the equator and is the featured country of this issue of The Servant. The following poem is apropos of the missionary experience in Ecuador. It was written by the famous Ecuadorian poet (and, coincidentally, the editor of this paper) Keith Taylor.
Half a dozen times each week
I spend a night of troubled sleep.
I twist and turn in fitful strife
'Midst dreams of missionary life.
All my life I did prepare
To serve a mission and to wear
A nametag on my brand new suit
and a pair of walking shoes to boot.
But I'd never heard of Ecuador,
Nor did I care to furthermore.
So imagine all my great surprise
As my call was held before my eyes.
Ecuador is aptly named,
For bugs and sweat it still is famed.
It perches at the earth's wide spot,
It's sultry, humid, and it's hot.
All the world's great skin diseases
Began 'neath Ecuador's green treeses.
Rashes red and prickly skin
Afflict its women and its men.
I'll learn to eat so many things
Like monkeys with garbanzo beans.
I'll drink the water and take my pills
To stave off all those tropic ills.
I'll suffer both by days and nights
With big internal parasites
That sap my strength and make me weak
And drain the rose from out my cheek.
And here my troubled dream does turn
To a nightmare on my soul to burn.
As I focus on my grisly fate
Of a full two years without a date.
No more girls with pretty faces
Who leave my shirt with lipstick traces.
No more calls all hours of night
That filled my heart with pure delight.
Alas, my days in 'babedom' ended,
As to Ecuador I have been sended.
I tract and teach and sing the hymns,
On Mondays I work out in gyms.
I seek out all the greatest souls
And teach them some eternal goals.
And two years after it began
I'll return a bigger, better man.
A regular feature of this newsletter will be the Recipe Corner. These will be recipes sent in from all parts of the world and will serve to get those laboring in other areas to try some of the delicious foods they may not otherwise be exposed to in places like Braderton, Florida or San Bemadino, California. In order to be considered worthy to print, the recipes submitted must be written on the back of a twenty dollar bill (US money only), be authentic, be delicious, and, in the sole judgment of the editor, be worth the paper they are printed on.
In keeping with the Ecuadorian theme of this month's newsletter, our featured recipe is a favorite of all the missionaries serving in that lovely equatorial paradise. As Elder Marc Johnson (Ecuador Guyaquil - South Mission) and Elder Richard Phillips (Ditto - North Mission) will attest, this is one of the all-time favorite dishes among new missionaries to that country. This recipe is appropriate for those who, although they may live in cities, have easy access to primordial jungles right out their back door. Yes, you guessed it... it is that old favorite, Boiled Ecuadorian Monkey. Here it is in its original and most often encountered form:
TAKE ONE LARGE ECUADORIAN MONKEY AND BOIL IT.
Reprints of this favorite recipe can be obtained by sending $20 and a stamped return addressed envelope to the editor. Due to excessive demand, you may have to wait several months for a reply.
On the reverse side of this newsletter are the addresses for the missionaries currently serving from the Plano 8th Ward. Please take a moment to verify that they are correct. Keep this issue of The Servant (hereinafter referred to as The Collector's Edition) for reference when you want to take a moment to write words of encouragement and testimony to friends serving elsewhere around the world.