The name of this Intergalactic Missionary Newsletter is hereby permanently changed to the Harvard Law Review. The need for this name is obvious in that everybody we know lives in constant fear of being arrested for violating the Harvard Law. What is this law anyway and who passed it? We need a quick and thorough review of this unfair and poorly understood law.

Researchers have discovered that Brigham Young had 28 wives, not 27 as previously thought. His last wife was Effie Numb, a nervous woman from East Rutherford, New Jersey. Exactly why her identity has escaped historians is not completely clear. It is now thought that on the day she married brother Brigham, the newlyweds returned to the Lion House to a grand reception. The backslapping rounds of congratulatory greetings went on so late that Brigham grew tired and fell asleep in a small room off the main hall. Effie, left to her own, didn't know what to do so she just sat for a few hours while the party went on around her. Finally, noticing that nobody said anything more to her, and not knowing what she was supposed to do next, she wandered down to the train station and caught a train back to New Jersey to wait further instructions from her new husband. Brigham, who had a lot of other things on his mind, forgot about the whole matter.

As we are ever a people who believe in obeying the law, stake and ward leaders in Missouri are stressing the importance of obeying all the laws of the state. Unfortunately, one of those laws still on the books is the infamous Extermination Order given by Missouri Governor Lilburn W. Boggs on October 27, 1838, that directed the Mormons be driven from the state or exterminated. In a letter to President Hinckley from the governor of Missouri, the Mormons were thanked for their rich contribution to the history of Missouri, but asked to leave or be exterminated in accordance with the law. Most stakes in Missouri conducted a vote and chose to leave, not wanting to be exterminated. It is understood that this exit will take place peacefully and the Missouri governor and President Hinckley will appear together soon on the Larry King show.

An extraordinary Book of Mormon related discovery was made last month by the Ricks College Department of Archaeology and Jobs in the Fast Food Industry. Department Chairwoman, Imma Waitin, was going through the cafeteria at the end of a long day when she happened to notice a pile of suspicious looking bones.

Professor Waitin immediately sensed the importance of her discovery and called the chairman of the Ricks College Department of Old Bones. With tears in their eyes they gazed down at what both of them were sure were the bones of a full grown curelom, the extinct animal mentioned in Ether 9:19 as being useful to man. Professor Waitin deftly "bussed" the area around the bones, removed a gratuity that had been mysteriously deposited by them, and sent the lot to church headquarters in a tightly sealed "doggy bag" for further analysis.

Some knuckleheaded people believe that we lived other lives on earth before this one, and that we can communicate with our "past-life selves." This Intergalactic Missionary Newsletter feels it important to state that this belief is against both the teachings of the church, and the opinion of the National Football League. Any attempt to use palm readers, witch doctors, fortunetellers, sportscasters, or small furry animals to communicate with our supposed former selves is discouraged.

Elder Larry Leroy Lamont Lewis has been in the MTC in Provo for 18 ½ months trying to grasp the meaning of life. He sent in this question: "Please Explain the Meaning of the reference to the Mote and the Beam as found in the Sermon on the Mount." Well Elder L.L.L. Lewis, here's the straight truth. In the Sermon on the Mount, there is a reference to a guy who had a mote in his eye. Now a mote is a little piece of eye crud, the oatmeal-like stuff found in the corner of the eye right after awakening from an 18-hour sleep. This guy with a mote-filled eye met another man who proceeded to diss him for his motiness. Because the mote-man was a sensitive fellow, he went home in shame. After thinking about being shamed in front of his friends, he went out to his garage and got a beam. Now a beam, as anybody knows, is a board about 12 feet long and weighing over 200 pounds. The man picks up the beam, carries it downtown, and jams it into the eye and out the back of the head of his tormentor. The reason we don't find these very important details in our New Testament is that the wicked translators in the 3rd century AD omitted these and other plain and precious things from the scriptures in order to lower printing costs.

As unusual as it may sound, a woman in Cedarville, North Carolina found on receiving her patriarchal blessing that she had been adopted into the Ogallala Sioux Indian tribe.

While most scriptures don't directly tackle this thorny question, we are grateful to the apocryphal book, The Sayings of Seth, for some idea of what we should think of this issue. This book, The Sayings of Seth, is purported to be the musings of Adam's son Seth. In this important book, Seth apparently addressed this very issue when he said, "whatever." Some scholars, while agreeing with the eloquence of Seth's utterance, still think more needs to be learned on this subject. Elder Bruce R. McConkie (who most people think never heard of the book The Sayings of Seth) was known to be less ambiguous in his thoughts on the subject. It is well known that he went to the grave thinking that the Missouri River joins the Mississippi River at Saint Louis.